Hopes and Thoughts

You know sometimes when I hear someone say, “hey, I got (x number of) extra tickets to this show…” a part of me hopes the next line would read, “and it’s yours for free if you want it.”

But rarely does that occur. The more the usual line is “…and they cost (y amount of) dollars.” :-(

And I mean, I understand the reasoning behind all the happenings, I just wanted to express what I hope for sometimes. However, then I realize or remember that I don’t like going outside and so free tickets or not, I wouldn’t accept. All for naught.

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Quick bits…

  •  stupid thought. but its like all the people talk about like supermodels being too skinny. or that people are putting too much emphasis on that skinny is sexier or something. but i think its not about being skinny is pretty…its practicality. the skinny people use less material for designs. so it costs less to make a dress or something. no?
  • dr. scholl’s shoe things look just like the geico ones. like in the dr. scholl’s commercial uses like gels as circles and they look like eyes. while geico uses eyes on top of a money. i think its diff color, like blue vs green. but its similar and kinda makes me laugh. cause the dr. scholls commercial deals with a dude who is getting his CAR towed. ha.
  •  i was at dinner with coworkers. and i looked at a coworker that i had seen before. and i thought he had a tattoo on his forearm. but it turned out to be a lot of arm hair.
  • somehow i think if the police chief speaks with a new york-an kinda accent, no matter the state, just sounds more authorative for some reason.
  • i got this joke i sent to a friend out in missouri or whatever.
    “What’s the difference between your vagina and my dick?”
    “about 1800miles and 7inches :-p”oooooooooooooh vulgarity hahaha.
  • sometimes when you’re cleaning up your place, you might come across like an old “lost” item. and then you remember, oh its not really yours, it use to be like your friend’s, or your significant other (at the time)’s. but now its like you no longer are in touch with that person anymore, cause you moved away or they did. but then other times, you kinda realize, ‘oh yea. they’re dead. and they are never gonna come back…unless zombies come back alive, but even then, the strength required to open the coffen and the 6ft of dirt would be impossible for a deceased body of that age to be able to open up. and so, they’re still dead and gone.” and having that dialogue in your brain helps from really thinking about the death part… and just focus on the permanent ownership of the object now. that and just repeating it kinda almost makes it humourous in some manner not understandable at the moment.
  • theres that commercial with all the food icon (logos).like charlie tuna is there. the coutn chocula i think. the jolly green giant, the pickles guy, pillsbury doughboy and like that little girl off the mortons salt. and its like a mastercard thing abuot like getting everyone together… priceless.but i was thinking… of all the food icons there, charlie tuna is kinda fucked up. and to a lesser extent doughboy. charlie tuna is essentially telling people to eat tuna. and he’s a tuna. and its like if he eats it isn’t that cannibalism?

    the doughboy is bad cause he’s made of dough and so is his pastries or baked goods.

  • “Here Will, heres a shirt [hands over shirt]. i didnt know your shirt size so i got you a 2XL. i figure you’ll either grow into it…or you have the mind to shrink it in the dryer.”
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Danny-etics – Meta-sophical

ok.

time to get metasophical or something… metaphore philosophical or something. actually, its more of a simile than anything else.

but…

you. me. life. we are all just cigarettes. cause no matter how we taste, or look, or size, or feel, eventually, we’re put out or go out. we run our course. and some of us get put out before we’re technically done. and its sad cause you think, ‘hey… you’re not done yet… you still got some left to be smoked.’ but thats neither here nor there…it just is. (and you enjoy it while its still smoking. and the ashes are just means for a memory).

but the end is all the same. in the end, we’re just butts. there’s no further use. and we’re discarded and put into the dirt or sand or whatnot. extinguished. done.

and we all might last a different length of time. no matter how long the cigarette, even if its smoked to the end, all you have left is the filter. once you hit that theres no more smoking to be had. no more living.

theres a finite end. we just don’t know how long its gonna last. or if we’re gonna get put out before we reach the end.

and i suppose the inevitable question is… who’s smoking us? you could say god, God, Buddha, Jesus, or jsut plain ol Mother Nature, like we’re just a burning leaf and the passing wind is fueling us.

but thats just my random philosophical idea i had when i was driving. and i was wondering… when it will end. but acknowledging it does end. … like a cigarette.

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Perhaps, I should be a screenwriter…

today, my mechanic informed me, ‘you have too much junk in your trunk”.
and with a raise eyebrow, i put down my bagel.

…
Setting: Tower Records

Characters:
1 Male, 18-22yrs old, store clerk
1 Male, mid-20s, customer purchasing music CDs.

Customer, “oh, hi. i noticed that this CD was listed as 11.99 on the website. but it’s 16.99 here.”
Clerk, “uh huh. well, why didnt you buy it online?”
Cust, “oh, because i wanted to get it now, instead of waiting for it to be delivered.”
Clerk,”oh ok. well, in that case, thats a “now” charge.”
Cust, “what? thats crazy.”
Clerk,”yea, well you’re crazy.”, points finger.
Cust,[confused look], “you must hate your job.”
Clerk,”of course! except for moments like these.”

———-

so that didn’t happen, but the thought occurred…in my head. even though i’d be the customer and the clerk would be the clerk. but it just amuses me, like my other made up one about teh supermarket. here it is again! cause it makes me laugh cause its more raw than the above one.

——-
setting: supermarket – the rice and pasta aisle.

Characters:
1 caucasian male shopper, 30-40 yrs old, curiously confused.
1 chinese male shopper, early 20s, easily disgruntled.

caucasian male, “Excuse me, can you help me?”
asian male, “um. sure, what do you need?”
cm, “I’m looking at all these rices here, and what do you suggest is a good type of rice grain?”
am, “you’re looking at the rices and you’re asking me whats the best one?…”
cm,”Yes” (blink blink)
am, “its jasmine, its good.”
cm,”Thanks. I could tell you know whats a good type of rice.”
am, “… ok. now that i helped you, maybe you can help me.”
cm,”Sure.”
am, “heres a picture of my two sisters… can you suggest which one i should fuck?”
cm,”…” (runs away)
am, “hey, where are you going? what? i can’t ask you something you might know about?”

——–
brain = imagination station, and the train has already left…
——-

A Verbal Game…

this is the point where i write a series of the same sentences but change it up a bit. its called repetition for a point or something. i dont really know what its called, its just a silly bit of fun that i have in my mind when i’m brushing my teeth, but have decided to share it with you all because i have nothing better to do … except sleep. but sleep only benefits me technically, whereas an entry can benefit the many.

for the greater good….

i pass gas sometimes to remind me that life stinks.

i pass gas sometimes to remind me that life can be quite potent

i pass gas sometimes to remind me the smell of bretts beard after the rain. (not true, but wanted to instigate some reader comments :-p)

i pass gas sometimes to remind me that i’m alive.

i pass gas sometimes to remind me that farts can also smell like asparagus.

i pass gas sometimes to remind me of what death smells like.

i pass gas sometimes to remind me of why i don’t have a girlfriend and/or roommate.

i pass gas sometimes to remind me of what i ate.

i pass gas sometimes to see if i am sick.

i pass gas sometimes to see if the milk has, indeed, gone bad.

i paass gas sometimes to see if it’s cold in the room (it’d be steam if it was).

i pass gas sometimes to try if i can levitate on my own propulsion.

i pass gas sometimes to try and push dust off objects. (like those compressed air bottle for computers)

i pass gas sometimes to try to be on the hour every hour.

i pass gas sometimes to try and keep with the beat.

i pass gas sometimes cause i laugh too hard.

i pass gas sometimes cause i hope no one notices

i pass gas sometimes cause the wind is blowing away from the crowd.

i pass gas sometimes cause i can.

and i’m sure theres more reasonings or thoughts or just ideals or metaphors, but for now thats all i got, cause its late. and i did have a series of thoughts when i was in the bathroom. and so thats where i have my most thoughts, cause my mind isn’t about the process at hand, be it peeing, pooping, showering, or brushing my teeth. those are kinda like automated actions and so my mind wanders.

Old Thought for a Sunday

check it, i think they should come out with a holiday line of scarecrows with a jesus theme. i mean if you look at it, jesus nailed to the cross is really similar to the classic scarecrow design. in fact, i wonder if jesus did in fact inspire the first person to come up with the scarecrow.

as if a farmer thought about jesus, and was thinking, ‘you know what would scare off some birds from my crop…jesus… on the cross.” and eventually, the jesus scare crow got covered up with clothes, cause people don’t want to see a mostly nekkid jesus all the time. (plus, using a dead/dying body or recreating a skin texture would be difficult in older times- what with the lack of the innovations of prosthetics or plasticine for realistic skin texture). i mean it wasn’t his finest physical form at that time. cause i mean i think he got stabbed by a spear and looked a bit emaciated or whatnot.

anyways, back to the point. SCARECROW: Jesus Edition, just in time for christmas. the only bad thing is if the crows were phillistine or something, then they’d peck the shit out of jesus.

jesus. jesus. jesus. jesus. jesus.

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