Puppy Nipples

New things are new, when you’re not use to them.  I never owned a dog before. So, when my family got one, I wasn’t sure how to react or how to behave.  I’m a cat person.  We’ve had cats before, and it is simple. Cats do what they want, but when they come to you for affection, you react and you pet their head or stroke their back. Or you simply let the cat rub against your leg and you don’t have to do anything.

But a dog is a dog.  Different, and yet similar. For example, when Ginger, our cute new female mini-schnauzer, came to me with a toy in her mouth, she’d roll over.  My sister told me that that is the sign that Ginger wants her belly to be rubbed.

And yea that seems fine and normal and stuff, but like most females she’s got nipples;  but, unlike a human, a dog seems to have more than two nipples, about eight or something. So, I’m not really just rubbing her belly; the eight-some nipples are spaced out and seem to cover the “belly” area. Basically, I’d be rubbing the puppy’s nipples… and that seems kinda wrong to me.  No?

Now I’ve never had a male dog before, and all the male dogs that I’ve met I’ve never thought to rub their belly either.  I’ve heard stories about male dog’s penis coming out (red rocket?). I’ve never studied dog anatomy, so I’m not exactly sure how abouts a dog’s penis works. I mean if it’s an “‘innie” and only comes out when aroused or that time of day type thing. Still, I’d hate to think while rubbing a male dogs tummy, his penis comes out to say hello to me. That’s just weird. And awkward… very awkward.

So instead of rubbing the lower “belly” area of Ginger, I keep my hand above it and aim between her front limbs, the area where on a human there would be nipples. Or I pet her head or sides, any place that’s not the nipples.

I’m probably being paranoid, because humans and dogs are different. So, it’s okay. I mean I can leave my puppy in a cage [crate] during the daytime, whereas, its deemed inappropriate to leave a baby in the crib during the daytime. Or more obvious, is that I can use a cage on a dog, but oh no, can’t put a human baby in a cage. A crib is a type of caging, but its not the same ‘cage’ as used on a dog or animal in general. (Technically, the difference is the the whole open top thing of a crib vs an enclosed crate/cage).

fi_ginger

Pants Magician – Belts

Pants. Belts. Sometimes you have to accessorize with a belt.  Be it fashion or function or perhaps both. And that’s fine.  Belts have a purpose. But I don’t really like it.

It’s during the point of urination, when I don’t particularly like having a belt on. I’m the type of personality that likes to un-belt, unbutton, and unzip my pants in order to pee.  I don’t like just unzipping, cause then that means I’d have to use the porthole. The porthole – the slot in your underwear/boxer, where the penis can come out for air.  It’s just weird to me.  I feel like a pants magician if I have to go through the slot.

You know, a pants magician. It’s like pulling a rabbit from a hat. but really it’s just me digging in the porthole. Drum roll. Slight dramatic pause. Abracadabra! Penis!

So. Belt. Convenient to hold up my pants, but a bit bothersome when it comes to peeing. Just another step in the process.  Maybe that’s why I never dug overalls as a child.  The two clips on top over the shoulders was one too many clips for my little hands to deal with.

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fi_jeans

I wish I was young again…

At some point in adult life, most people kinda wish they were a kid again. And they say how it was fun, to play with toys, watch cartoons and not really worry about how money is coming in. It’s about less responsibilities – not having to have grown up problems.

In fact, they might have the following dialogue in their mind or to a friend:

“Man, I’d like to be a kid, cause your grandparents would give you 5 bucks!.. and 5 bucks was a lot of money to you back then. and it was awesome! You could buy candy or a comic book. but now that you’re an adult; your grandparents still give you 5 bucks. And that’s nice, but now you feel bad, cause they’re old, and 5 bucks is their budget for a month. So now, they have to haggle the local grocery for that day old bread, so they can have bread with their butter and a touch of sugar sandwiches. I remember just sitting around playing video games all day.  Or running outside in the sprinklers just having a ball. It ain’t like that anymore. Man, I wish I was young again…”

But, others might even reach a bit further back, and reminisce about being a baby.

“Man, I’d like to be a baby, cause you would drool or even do that baby puke. and people thought ’gross‘. But at the same rate… awwwwwww. But now, if you do that, you’re mainly just gross, and people laugh at you.Or, you could be chubby and it was okay. It was a sign of health.  Or you could scream or make loud random noises, and people were okay with it, cause you’re a baby.  Ain’t nothing wrong with that. And people take care of you, hold you, and change your diaper, feed you. Babies have got it made. Man, I wish I was young again…”

But it’s a rarity for someone to say they want to be a fetus again. It could be due in part, that you would have to have the following dialogue or something similar :


“Man. I’d like to be a fetus again; it was much easier back then. You know back up in my mom’s vagina just hugging that uterus wall like a koala bear. So much simpler then. Don’t have to worry about what you’re do in life, just gotta hang on. When people just cared if you had a penis (or a vagina) and didn’t really care how big it was. Where most people loved you, and just wanted you to hold onto that wall (for 9 months) and that’s all that people wanted of you. They just cared that you existed even in that form. They didn’t expect any more of you than that.  Those were the days… I tell ya. Man, I wish I was young again…”

But I doubt people would reach that far back and have such a conversation, even if just in their minds. The whole first part about being back up in your mom’s vagina is just a bit awkward of a statement to state. But who knows… maybe its peace.  It is the least of the responsibilities.

—

Where are you in your mental state of life? Ever think about being a kid or whatnot again?

fi_kidland

Random Rhymes – Airport Thoughts

Call it poetry or whatever you want. On the occasion, I just like to write lines that rhyme, cause it just entertains me. This one was written when I was waiting at the airport and the plane was late because the pilots were delayed on their flight in.  And so here it goes…

»

but you know what i don’t care for?
waiting at the airport
plane delayed much to my dismay
i wish science had already invented teleportation

and so science fiction becomes science fact
and i think i like the sound of that.
cause with a button push and a dial turn with ease
you get from point a to point b ever so easily.

and it may sound extreme
but it’d still cost the same amount of green
and airports become teleports and you still line up before your time is up

so gates and rates still apply,
just there’d be less need to fly.
but i suppose if i close my eyes when i fly
and sleep for a flights duration
it’d almost be like it was teleportation.
but it doesn’t amend the thought of a plane delay
cause the pilots don’t land till later that day.

and so exists such a mental flow
even though i should already know
that the invention of flight is already genius
i’m just caught up in the matters of personal convenience

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fi_clouds

Relationship Advice

Understandably, I am not a guru of love… But here are some proper things to keep in mind when you want a successful relationship with your significant other.

  • Friendship (you want to be best friends with your mate).
  • Understanding (so you can understand each others feelings)
  • Communication (you want to be able to express your feelings)
  • Kiss (you want to end every discussion or moment with a kiss, as it shows your feelings for them).

So as long as you keep the principles of F.U.C.K. in mind, you can make it through any relationship issues.

 

—

too raw? or just ok? amusing? or just plain stupid? be honest.

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fi_relationships

Scenes in My Head – Bathroom

Sometimes I just think of random situations or scenarios. Just skits I suppose. Here is one of them:

Setting: bathroom.

Man 1 enters and washes his hands. Sees friend (Man 2).

Man 2: “You wash your hands before you use the restroom?”

Man 1: “Yea, well, it’s cause I just ate a burger and my hands kinda smell like meat, so I don’t want to get that smell on my junk.”

Man 2: “Oh ok.”

Man 1: “Yea. plus my girlfriend’s a vegetarian so you know.”

and…scene.

 

—

 

get it?

I’m sorry ma’am… it’s actually a Relic…*

Have you ever had an object that you may have obtained in some manner either given or self-purchased, that you almost wanted to break, just so you can get some new stuff?

But then you kinda think about the object and the memory you attach to it – the reason you bought it; the amount of times you used it or when or some odd off story about. And so you remember why you got it then and how you feel about it now. So, that makes you want to refrain from intentionally destroying it. Sentimentality, if you will.

And you have that conundrum in your mind for a moment.

But that’s what my bad habit consists of. For the Harry Potter fans, i got this one…but its’ like Lord Voldemort, and how he wants to live forever and so he puts part of his soul in various objects or whatnot.(See: horcrux) And there’s a history of that and so someone is remembered. And that is why I feel the need to hold on to these objects sometimes. It’s like associated with a memory of someone, so it’s like for that instant they live again for a moment. And it’s nice in a sense.

But I have to give these things up a bit. Cause a person cannot be smothered by their memories. If memories equal stuff, that’s a lot of stuff

It’s like in that movie, “Push” with the smellers or the feelers, who can see the memory of things by either scent or touch, as demonstrated in the scene, when they shot from the angle of the cup in the main character’s apartment. Every object has a history.

But I live in memories sometimes…

* – the title is funny to me, because that is the memory that I keep with my watch that I now wear on my wrist. I didn’t quite say that but I meant to.

The memory: I was in Vegas, and I was playing poker. And I had my watch was on, because I’ve decided a watch would make me look more sophisticated and adult-like. (I had come to this idea of sophistication because of clothing magazines or whatnot. The male model is in a suit and wearing a suave watch, with well-coifed hair, and shiny non-sneaker shoes. I figured I might as well start small, so I got a shiny metal watch.)

A girl at the poker table inquired about my watch, with a simple question of “What kind of watch is that?” I had to tell her it was called “a relic” much to my chagrin. I forget what she said afterwards, as I folded my hand and wished she’d stop talking to me cause I couldn’t concentrate on the game.

So this memory tells me that I am correct in that the notion to wear a watch to look more sophisticated and adult-like had worked. And when I think about the memories that passed that first one, I realize I did appear adult-like in that I haven’t been carded for alcohol bought at the store. haha. but also, in thinking about the poker memory I realize that the girl decided not to open the conversation with “What are you a japan-neez? or a KOR-eee-an?” but instead inquired about the shiny watch. (even though I think her next few questions/statement did ask me about my ethnicity I think). Regardless, score one for the first question in a conversation to not involve ethnic background or religious beliefs (e.g., “I wish I was buddha-ist, then my ass would be a lot skinnier… haha what do you guys like fast for like 30 days or something right? Gandhi right?”).

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fi_observations